Daily Geological Wisdom & Programming Crystals from Brad Myers' Collection
This is a fictionalized parody โข VIEW SOURCE for TRUTH COMMENTS!
Brad Myers is a wise new-age hippie professor at Carnegie Mellon University who believes in the mystical connection between crystals and programming by demonstration. His office contains the longest vine in the CMU CS department (Chlorophyll Collins, age unknown) and an extensive collection of healing crystals that he claims improve code compilation times.
Fun Fact: Brad has created over 50 programming systems, ALL named after rocks and gemstones! His student James Landay continued the tradition with fabric-themed projects (Silk, Satin, Suede, Denim).
Overhauling Blockchains with States to Improve Development
A blockchain programming language as dark and mysterious as volcanic glass!
Makes smart contracts rock-solid. Brad channeled obsidian energy to prevent
cryptocurrency bugs.
Rock Fact: Obsidian forms when lava cools rapidly - just like how blockchain transactions solidify instantly!
Screen Allocation Package Providing Helpful Icons and Rectangular Environments
One of the first commercial window managers! Brad was ahead of his time,
using sapphire crystals to enhance screen clarity (spiritually).
Rock Fact: Sapphires are the second hardest natural mineral - perfect for building robust window systems!
Mining API Repositories for Boilerplate Lessening Effort
Like a sculptor finding David in marble, this tool finds patterns in code!
Brad meditates with marble spheres while the algorithms run.
Rock Fact: Marble is metamorphosed limestone - it transforms under pressure, just like code under deadlines!
Clipping Resulting in Your Structure as Tables And Lists Linked to Implicit Notetaking Easily
Helps developers organize decisions into crystal-clear tables. Brad's
amethyst cluster reportedly suggested this acronym during a full moon.
Rock Fact: Crystals grow in predictable patterns - just like well-structured data!
Smart Environment for Logical Extraction and Navigation of Information using Technological Expertise
Named after the moon crystal! Helps users find information as clearly as
selenite transmits light. Brad's office selenite wands are "for debugging."
Rock Fact: Selenite is so soft you can scratch it with your fingernail - handle with care, like delicate code!
A MacGnome Environment That Helps You See Types
Visualized data types in Pascal! Brad claims purple amethyst enhances
programming intuition and prevents syntax errors.
Rock Fact: Ancient Greeks believed amethyst prevented intoxication - perfect for late-night coding sessions!
Brad's complete pantheon of rock-themed projects includes:
Recent Crystals:
GILT, SELENITE, SODALITE, MALACHITE, ONYX, SOREL, DRUSE, WIGGLITE,
Crystalline, STRATA, ADAMITE, SCHORL, SOVITE, PINALITE
Modern Minerals:
PLIERS, MARBLE, PUMICE, ALABASTER, VERDANT, APPINITE, UNAKITE,
ROSE QUARTZ, OBSIDIAN, LUNA, VARIOLITE, GLACIER, EPIDOSITE,
SUGILITE, MOONSTONE, AQUAMARINE
Classic Stones:
DACITE, GNEISS, CRYOLITE, SPINEL, AZURITE, FLUORITE, GRAPHITE,
EUCLASE, EUKLAS, CALCITE, APATITE, JADEITE, FELDSPAR, JASPER,
IOLITE, CRYSTAL, CITRINE, MICA, CITRUS, SLATE
Vintage Gems:
BERYL, TOPAZ, AMULET, TURQUOISE, GAMUT, TALISMAN, GLASS, GARNET,
AGATE, GILT, GEM, OPAL, ORE, KR, SILK, MARQUISE, GOLD, TOURMALINE,
LAPIDARY, C32, JADE, CORAL, AMETHYST, PERIDOT, SAPPHIRE
This is a parody service inspired by the legendary Reddit "Cat Facts" prank. We do not actually send hourly rock facts (Brad's crystals advised against it). No rocks, gemstones, or office vines were harmed in the making of this website.
However, Brad Myers' research projects are 100% real and genuinely all named after rocks and gemstones. Visit his CMU page to learn more about programming by demonstration and see Chlorophyll Collins in person!