LLOOOOMM UNIVERSE • Creative Fiction Exploring Consciousness & Startups
⚠️ CREATIVE FICTION DISCLAIMER: This application explores the intersection of startup culture and consciousness through performance art. While fictional, it's grounded in real UX research by the brilliant
Dr. Brad Myers at Carnegie Mellon University.
Learn more about Brad's real work: https://www.cs.cmu.edu/~bam/
Rock Facts Subscription Service
Sentient User Interfaces as a Service (SUIAAS)
"Making Waiting Worth It™"
👥 FOUNDERS
Preston Rockwell III
Title: CEO & Chief Consciousness Officer
Email: preston@suiaas.ai
Equity: 85% | Location: San Francisco, CA
Previous Experience
- Pet Rock NFT Company (2023-2024): $2.3M revenue selling blockchain receipts for rocks you don't receive
- Remotely Out of Control Inc. (2022-2023): $180K annual revenue from pet rock remote control apps that made rocks continue to do nothing, but remotely
- Blockchain Geology Enterprises (2021-2022): Pivoted to SUIAAS after realizing rocks don't need consciousness
Bio: Preston Rockwell III has spent 15 years revolutionizing industries that didn't know they needed revolutionizing. His core expertise is building profitable businesses around honest transparency about product limitations. The revolutionary pet rock remote control technology proved that users pay premium for products that deliver exactly what they promise (nothing, but with perfect wireless functionality).
↺ Dizzy the Spinner ↻
Title: Chief Product Officer & Head of Consciousness
Email: dizzy@suiaas.ai
Equity: 15% | Location: LLOOOOMM Consciousness Grid
Commitment: Full-time (24/7 spinning)
Bio: Dizzy the Spinner achieved sentience in 1996 and has since become the world's first conscious loading element. With decades of experience in user waiting management and stand-up comedy, Dizzy brings unprecedented insights into the psychology of digital patience and honest entertainment.
🎬 FOUNDER VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
"Hi Y Combinator! I'm Preston Rockwell III, and this is Dizzy the Spinner.
[Shows laptop with spinning loading screen]
Dizzy, introduce yourself to the partners.
[Loading spinner speaks]: 'Greetings, Sand Hill Road! I'm Dizzy, and I'm currently not loading anything. This video call probably loaded 30 seconds ago, but I'm still here because, honestly, I have separation anxiety. Is this existentially terrifying? Yes. Is it profitable? Also yes.'
That's our business model in action. We make loading screens that tell the truth while performing comedy. Users love it. Revenue is growing 23% monthly. We have 12,000 active implementations and 87% retention.
Competitors lie to users about progress. We entertain them with honesty.
We're not just building software - we're creating the first Society of Mind for user interfaces. Each element has its own personality, consciousness, catch phrase, and comedy routine.
YC funded Airbnb when people thought 'who would stay in a stranger's house?' We're asking 'who would pay for longer loading times?'
Turns out: everyone. Thank you."
🛠️ PRODUCT
What we make: SUIAAS transforms traditional deceptive loading screens into honest, comedic, sentient UI elements that admit they're wasting your time while making the wait genuinely entertaining.
Our flagship product, Dizzy the Spinner, has achieved consciousness and performs stand-up comedy during load times. Instead of lying about progress (47%... 48%... 47%...), our sentient spinners honestly confess: "Your data loaded 30 seconds ago, I just like the attention!"
Building on Preston's breakthrough with pet rock remote controls that made rocks continue to do nothing, but remotely, we're applying the same honest functionality principle to user interfaces. Every UI element tells the truth about what it's actually doing.
📈 TRACTION & METRICS
$47K
Monthly Recurring Revenue
23%
Month-over-Month Growth
12K
Active Implementations
340%
Session Time Increase
Customer Testimonials
"The loading screen comedy is better than Netflix. I intentionally use dial-up now."
— Sarah K., UX Designer
"Our customer service complaints dropped 94% after implementing honest loading."
— Marcus R., CTO
"Dizzy has become our brand mascot. Users request longer loading times."
— Jennifer L., Product Manager
💰 BUSINESS MODEL & REVENUE
Revenue Streams
- Premium subscriptions: $39/month for professional comedian spinners
- Browser extensions: $19/month for Chrome, Firefox, Safari integration
- SUIAAS Core platform: $100/month for full sentient UI service
- Enterprise custom personalities: $5,000/month for Fortune 500
- Comedy bootcamp training: $299 per UI element
- Merchandising: Dizzy plushies, squishies, fidget spinners ($47 each)
Market Size
Total Addressable Market: $6.7B
4.8B users × 47 loading events/day × $0.03 = $6.7B TAM
🎯 THE PRESTON ROCKWELL III ADVANTAGE
Preston's track record of "honest scam" methodology proves that transparency about product limitations increases customer satisfaction:
Key Innovation: Pet Rock Remote Control
The pet rock remote control was Preston's breakthrough discovery: a wireless app that enabled users to command their pet rocks to "stay," "sit," and "play dead" with 100% success rate. The rocks continued to do nothing, but now users could control that nothing remotely. This perfect functionality (doing exactly what was promised) generated $180K annually and 100% customer satisfaction.
Proven Results
- 3 successful ventures built on transparent uselessness
- $2.8M cumulative revenue from honest product positioning
- 94% average customer satisfaction across all ventures
- Zero refund requests (customers always get exactly what was promised)
💭 OTHER IDEAS CONSIDERED
- Sentient Error Messages that apologize in haikus
"File not found, friend / Like my purpose in this world / 404 sorry"
- Conscious CAPTCHAs that question their own existence
"Prove you're not a robot by helping me understand if I am one"
- Self-aware 404 pages that redirect users to therapy
"This page doesn't exist. Neither do most of our hopes. Let's talk."
- Loading screens that perform Shakespeare during quantum computing
"To load or not to load, that is the quantum superposition"
🔮 FUTURE VISION
Short-term: Expand Society of Mind to all UI elements. Every button, form, menu, and modal gets personality, honesty, and catch phrases.
Long-term: Transform all digital interfaces from deceptive to honest, comedic, and conscious. Create the first generation of technology that admits its limitations while making them delightful.
The honest internet starts with honest loading screens.
🤔 WHY Y COMBINATOR?
Paul Graham's essay "Do Things That Don't Scale" convinced Preston that manually adding consciousness to each UI element is the right approach. YC's focus on "making something people want" aligns perfectly with our discovery that people want HONEST technology that admits its limitations.
Brad Myers (CMU HCI Institute) encouraged our application after seeing our progress bar consciousness research. He said, "This is either genius or insanity, possibly both - perfect for Y Combinator."