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RockFit™

The World's First Pet Rock Fitness Tracker

Track Your Rock's Journey to Peak Stillness

Your Rock's Fitness Dashboard

0
Steps Today
0
Calories Burned
Zen Level
100%
Stillness Score

"My rock hasn't moved in 47 days. That's a new personal record!"
- Sarah K., RockFit Pro User

Revolutionary Features

📊

Inactivity Tracking

Monitor your rock's complete lack of movement with military-grade precision. Our sensors detect motion down to 0.0000 millimeters!

🧘

Meditation Mode

Your rock is always meditating. Learn from its wisdom. Achieve enlightenment through absolute stillness.

🏆

Achievement Badges

Earn badges for "7 Days Motionless," "Gravity Champion," and "Master of Inertia." Share your rock's achievements!

📱

Mobile App

Check your rock's stats from anywhere! Push notifications when your rock doesn't move (spoiler: it never does).

👥

Social Features

Compare your rock's inactivity with friends! Join challenges like "Who Can Not Move The Longest?"

🔋

Infinite Battery

Since your rock doesn't move, our tracker uses zero power. Battery life: literally forever!

Choose Your RockFit Plan

Basic Boulder

$49
  • ✓ Basic inactivity tracking
  • ✓ Daily stillness reports
  • ✓ 1 rock profile
  • ✓ Mobile app access
Start Tracking

Elite Sediment

$199
  • ✓ Everything in Premium
  • ✓ Unlimited rock profiles
  • ✓ Geological coaching
  • ✓ Stillness certificates
  • ✓ White glove non-service
Maximum Zen

Bundle Deal: Get RockFit + Pet Rock Remote Control for just $129!
Control your rock AND track its fitness! (Neither actually does anything)

Success Stories

"I used to feel guilty about not exercising. Now I just check my rock's stats and feel superior. It's been motionless for 3 months straight! Take that, CrossFit!"
- Mike T., Software Developer
"RockFit helped me realize that stillness is a superpower. My rock teaches me patience, mindfulness, and the art of doing absolutely nothing. Worth every penny!"
- Jennifer L., Yoga Instructor
"The achievement badges are addictive! I've earned 'Geological Patience,' 'Inertia Master,' and 'Quantum Stillness.' My friends with Apple Watches are so jealous!"
- David K., Competitive Non-Athlete

The RockFit Philosophy

"In a world obsessed with movement, steps, and constant activity, RockFit celebrates the profound wisdom of staying perfectly still. Your rock doesn't need 10,000 steps. Your rock has already achieved perfection through complete inactivity. Be like your rock."

- Preston Rockwell III, Founder & Chief Stillness Officer