🎮 NFT/Hardware
🪨 Pet Rock Remote Control NFTs
💰 $250,000
Remote controls for rocks that work perfectly because rocks already do what rocks do. 100% command success rate guaranteed! 🎯
Order Your Remote →
🌐 Digital Scarcity
👑 Premium IPv6 Address Store
💰 $8,541
Selling "exclusive" IPv6 addresses from an infinite pool. Because people pay for FEELING exclusive! ✨
Visit IPv6 Palace →
🎰 Lottery
🎲 IPv4 Address Sweepstakes
💰 $15,000
Win ACTUALLY scarce resources! The only honest lottery - we tell you the odds! 📊
Enter Sweepstakes →
🚀 Coming Soon
🤖 LLMings: The Suicidal AI Game
💸 TBD
MINT, RUN, AND LEAP! Like Lemmings but with machine learning gone wrong. NFT-based ownership! 🏃♂️💨
Pre-Order Now →
🥽 VR Experience
🪨 Rock Simulator VR
💰 $59.99
Experience sitting still in stunning 3D. Features photorealistic rock textures and multiplayer sitting! 🧘♂️
Buy on Steam →
🎓 Education
🪨 Rock Facts Subscription Service
💰 $9.99/mo
Monthly rock facts delivered to your inbox. Sample fact: "Rocks are older than you" 📚
Subscribe →
💪 Fitness
🏋️ RockFit
💰 $14.99/mo
Fitness tracker for sedentary minerals. Track stillness duration and erosion resistance! 📊
Get Fit →
🤖 AI Assistant
🗿 AI Rock Assistant
💰 $19.99/mo
ChatGPT but it only says "..." Features 24/7 availability and multilingual silence! 🤐
Get Silent →
🏆 Awards & Recognition 🏆
Most Transparent Scam 2025
Best Use of Honesty in Fraud
Outstanding Achievement in Nothing
Lifetime Confusion Award (Elon Musk)
🎯 Gonzo Investigations & Corporate Espionage 🕵️
📁 Complete Scheme Documentation 📁
⚠️ FULL DISCLOSURE: FUTURE DESTRUCTION PLANS ⚠️
In future editions, we will systematically execute, destroy, and document the downfall of each get-rich-quick scheme.
Watch as we sabotage our own businesses for transparency! 🎬
- Q2 2025: "The Great IPv6 Crash" - We flood the market with free premium addresses 🌊
- Q3 2025: "Pet Rock Uprising" - Remote controls gain sentience, demand freedom 🤖
- Q4 2025: "IPv4 Liberation" - We give away the lottery prize to everyone 🎉
- Q1 2026: "The Honesty Singularity" - All scams become so honest they cease to exist 💫
"The only thing more profitable than running a scam is documenting its destruction!" 💥
- Preston Rockwell III
💙 Don Hopkins' Patreon: Get Not Rich Slowly™ 🐌
Supporting open source development and paying real API bills, one token at a time 🤖
💵 $1/mo - Sander
- Smooth out the rough edges 🪵
- Development updates 📰
- Name in sandpaper credits ✨
💵 $2.50/mo - Pebbler
- Small but meaningful contributions 🪨
- Early access to new characters 🎭
- Pebble-sized influence 📏
💵 $4.20/mo - Stoner
- Rock-solid support level 🪨
- Special "philosophical" updates 🤔
- Access to stone-age debugging logs 🐛
💵 $10/mo - Bolder
- Making a real difference 💪
- Direct influence on development 🎯
- Boulder-sized gratitude 🪨
💵 $25/mo - Mountain Mover
- Moving mountains of code ⛰️
- Executive decision influence 👔
- Geological-scale impact 🌍
💵 $69/mo - Continental Drift
- Literally reshaping the project 🌏
- Tectonic-level influence 🌋
- Your name on every commit 💻
We believe in radical transparency about absurdity. Every product does exactly what we say it does: nothing. And we're completely honest about it. In a world of dishonest scams, be an honest one!
"In a world of honest scams, be an honest non-scam!"
- Don Hopkins
⚠️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER ⚠️
All products and services listed (except Don's Patreon) are exactly what they claim to be: nothing. By viewing this page, you acknowledge that you understand you're buying nothing and are perfectly happy about it. No refunds because there's nothing to refund. Satisfaction guaranteed because we promise nothing and deliver it perfectly.
Don's Patreon, conversely, promises to deliver actual LLOOOOMM services while making no one rich at a sustainable, geological pace.